"It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it, too
Doesn't means that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye"
-- "The Call" by Regina Spektor
It's been one year.
Twelve months.
Fifty-Two weeks.
Three-hundred and sixty-five days.
Five-hundred and twenty-eight-thousand nine-hundred and forty-nine minutes.
In other words, far to long sense I left that place I still call home. Oz. Australia. It's funny how I still love they way that word rolls off my tongue. But it's also crazy how much weight it carries even this far along. It's crazy how things get easier, but only ever so slightly. They say that time is a great healer, but it's astounding just how much time it takes to heal wounds of the heart. It's crazy how much thinking about those last days still hurts. How vividly I can remember the pain of leaving a place that I love, of leaving a culture that I love, the people that I love. I still don't know if I should talk about it in the past or present tense. I still can't grasp all the ways in which I grew and changed because of my year abroad. Every single day I think about Oz. Every day it dawns on me that Oz taught me this or that. Every day of my life, I remember. I feel. I love. And some days it physically hurts. Some days there's nothing on my mind buy Oz. Nothing but stories--memories. Something I've found I have a knack for collecting. And every day goes on. Life moves forward. Before I know it it'll have been two years. Five. Ten. Twenty. Time doesn't stop just because the mind dwells. Just because we don't forget. Every day I get farther and farther away from what Oz used to be, from the day I left. And closer to the day that I return, to what Oz will be. I'll come back when you call me.
And still, it's just as shocking waking up today as it was a year ago. Only this time around, rather than having to take in "America", I have to come to terms with the fact that it's been so long. That it's my New Year. That July 12th is my time to reset the clocks and begin the count down all over. My time to begin afresh; a time filled with new journeys, new adventures and new stories. New lessons about life, new people and plenty of new epiphanies. A time to find a new flow and accept the change. It's like being reborn in away, knowing that you've made it through so much and that when things do get rocky, you have the strength to fight your way back to the top. So that even when things seem impossible, you know that they aren't.
You've learned how to put things behind you without completly forgetting. You've learned how to say "see ya later" and avoid the word "goodbye", becaues there is no such thing. You've learned that being in a crowd of people doesn't necessarily mean you can't be lonely. You know that it's ok to be you. But you've also leaned how to share certain parts of yourself with differnt people. As you have different friends for different things. You've learned to go with the flow, but letting go is something you're still comming to terms with. You've learned that just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before. You know what it means to truly love. And you know that living on opposite sides of the globe doesn't stop that love. You've learned to live without the people you love, the places you miss and the stories you could share. You know that just becaues others can't feel it too doesn't mean you have to forget. You let your memoreis keep your love alive. And, most importantly, you know that there is no need to say goodbye, only "See you Later".
You've been on exchange. And even this long after, it still isn't smooth sailing. . . you've just learned to become an excellent sailer.
